My Last Blog - "Go With God"

….Well, at least for this trip, my last blog. Moments like this you feel like you should have something really profound to say. You feel like you should be so much more enlightened, so much smarter… but here’s the secret. I’m not. Not really.

But, it wasn’t enlightenment that I was pursuing.

What I was pursuing is the place in this world that was mine, for just that (a) moment. A special place reserved only for me. And that’s probably the pursuit I’ll have for the next phase, and the next, and the next.

I saw so much; experienced things beyond description; loved in ways I never did before. I saw so much that is true; so much that is false. And I pursue both. Gold and fool’s gold

I wish I could say that my adventure here was without bad choices. But it wasn’t. I can’t run from my faults. I can’t run from being human. So, for those of you that are looking for that person to put up on a hill and commend for outstanding performance, I respectfully withdraw my name from consideration. I only say by God’s grace…..

What did I learn? Maybe nothing new, maybe just reinforcement of things God has already shown. If I want to make a difference in this world, I have to give my heart to the cause. And sometimes giving my heart comes without choice or even noticing that my heart is being given away. But for the people I’ve met, I do leave part of my heart here. And for you that want to make a difference, I think you too must leave your heart where you want to make a difference. No heart, no difference it seems.

I will not forget the moment when my Mom hugged me as I was leaving Miami in August to come here. I had no clue what I was doing. No clue what was going to happen. Feeling so empty of those that I left behind. And, just beyond that door (I couldn’t see) was this amazing adventure waiting for me.

Mom’s last words as I left, through her tears and mine, “Go with God”. And as you read the words on a page I’m guessing the meaning and intensity is somewhat lost, but those words have stuck with me throughout this journey. And what better words. And what better testimony to God. That through it all, the good and bad, God was there. Correcting, supporting, inviting, protecting, loving, and even disciplining.

So, the journey was one of God I hope. Not me. Not by my invitation, but His. Not because of who I am, but inspite of who I am. And I hope that anyone He’s calling, they’ll understand that it truly takes nothing special. Actually, it’s the opposite. It takes the ordinary and insignificant for God to make special. And that’s exactly what happened. It was insignificant and ordinary, and God made it incredibly special and extraordinary.

I’m writing this last blog on this deserted beach with my laptop computer. It is possibly one of the most beautiful beaches you’d ever see. Truly almost perfect. Palm trees hanging over the water; gentle breeze; big waves crashing on the rock; white sand, a slight curve to the alcove. Long and beautiful sand. Streams of fresh water coming from the mountains to the sea. The sun setting in the distance. Impossible to completely describe. But it’s really here; places like this really do exist. And in case it’s hard to imagine, I happened to have my camera, so here are the pictures. (at the bottom of this blog) And who’s on this beach?? No one, except me. Only one soul. A spot reserved for this moment, just for me. To finish my blog. It’s a perfect ending to this journey. Perfect.

I want you to know that I so much appreciate you letters, comments, and prayers. And even those the words on this page seem distant, please know your names and words and emails came to mind many times during this journey. They were fresh water to my soul. I know I didn’t make this trip alone. I know there were many joining me in many ways. And thanks for taking the journey with me. It would not have been the same without you.

And thank you God for this journey. I pray we all honored you with this journey.

Thanksgiving Pics

Me, to my left Tammie Wallace (Brian's in Guatemala studying Spanish), Laura Beth and Corey Lamb, in back TJ & Holly McCloud.




Not my best shot, but then again, not my best Thanksgiving meal. But very Thankful none the less!





The crew in Santo Domingo, in "Zona Colonial"

Two Weeks And Counting

This may be my next to the last entry. I was updating weekly, but news has become routine, so not much to blog about.

For Thanksgiving, the missionaries got together in a resort town called Caberete and enjoyed good times together. I have spent Thanksgivings in many places, but this probably felt less like Thanksgiving than any other place. I guess because we mostly had burgers and salads on the beach instead of traditional stuff. I did get the “Thanksgiving” special, but it wasn’t quite like you probably had.

We then headed to Santo Domingo for the weekend. It was good to spend the time with the missionaries, and learn more about the most significant (largest/capital) city here (supposedly 2.25M people). Christopher Columbus had a huge impact here. And, many things in Santo Domingo are the oldest in the “America’s”. Really interesting.

My Santiago family is doing well. But, now that I’m spending more time in Rio San Juan, we’re definitely in a pulling away mode. But, I think that’s good in the long run, for all of us. They’re getting more use to me not being around as much; and vice versa. It’s something we all knew had to come, but it’s not so easy.

I’ve been averaging about half my time in Rio San Juan which is were the missionary teams are. It’s certainly different than Santiago. No fast food; no American food, no grocery stores or anything else to speak of. No place to call my own. But, the folks here are great and warm, and I enjoy being around them. Any time I’m around people that seem to have given up everything to serve, they impress me.

Many people are asking if I’ve learned Spanish or how the Spanish is going. And to be honest, the questions (if I can be honest) get trying, because learning a language is extremely difficult to explain; and everyone learns at a different pace, and you don’t wake up one day and you’ve “learned” a language. All things I’ve learned since I started studying Spanish. There are days I understand what I consider a lot; and other days I think I’ve learned nothing. And, if you’ve never tried to really learn another language, there’s no real reference point. At least that was the case for me. Trying to learn a foreign language has made me so much more sympathetic to foreigners living outside their own country, trying to adjust to culture, language, and life in a new country. I’ve had it relatively easy compared to most others, but there are still days when I wonder what in the world am I doing. Another reason missionaries are so impressive to me.

Three months have passed. I’ve learned so much. And, as usual, learned I know so little. And, wonder what I’ve really learned and how best to use that knowledge. I could talk for days about culture and trying to understand where people are coming from and then try to know how to really help them. I am surrounded by people in need; we live in a dying world, but knowing how to help is really really challenging. Some things I thought of before I got here…. Just not so sure any more.

If I look back and see all the “stuff” I’ve been involved with, I’d have to say that adults really rarely change. True for myself (regrettably) true for others. Children can have remarkable changes, it seems. And often do. But what exactly that means for me personally, not sure. I think it means I’m planning to move more cautiously into the next phase of whatever my life brings. You start out wide eyed, and ignorant and ready to conquer the world. You end up with more knowledge (hopefully), more questions, and more understanding but also wondering what part of the world you want to tackle, and why. When you end up with choices, lots and lots of choices, choosing gets really hard. I don’t want to be a spectator sitting in the stands, but I also don’t want to be fighting for something that’s not worth fighting for.

I believe the answers lie in wisdom and I believe wisdom comes from God and I believe my receiving wisdom is based on faith. So, I’m hoping for a mustard seed of faith.