Fill In the Blank

I can’t begin to describe the feeling of finally having a ______________. And it came with ____________________. Wow, what a blessing!!

For almost an entire day, I’ve not felt _________, or __________, or _______________. I’ve felt almost “normal”, for a day. But only for a day, I’m afraid. The battle is far from over.

I did not fully realize how I was/am someone who’s grown so accustom to ____________. And, how much my physical and mental energy seems to be based on this range of _____________. Within a certain range of “normalcy”, I seem to have more than a sufficient amount of mental and physical energy. But, after weeks and months and now almost a year of being outside of that range, I’m seeing the toll.

And want to hear something so incredibly expected but not? “I knew it was going to be hard, but I did not realize, until I got into this battle, how hard it was going to really be. If I had known ahead of time, I might have made a different choice. Feeling so much like a weakling. And I was even foolish enough to think that if I gave it up willingly, then it would not be a major battle.”

The volume of things I used to accomplish, I don’t. Energy I used to have, I don’t. Motivation I used to have, I don’t. The mental battles that rage. The knowledge of wanting to be thankful for what I do have; the tons of blessings I have. And yet the mental and physical pulling at the discomforts I’m in the middle of based on my prior abandoned life style. The life I willing/happily gave up (at the time). The desire for the discomfort of a lost life style not to win over.

So why the blanks in this blog? Because I think I’m human and certainly not alone. And all of us could say the same thing at one time or another in our lives. Perhaps not the exact same battle. But, when the things we’ve loved, valued, enjoyed, or just grown accustom to be are no longer there, a physical and mental battle ensues. Even if we choose to give them up. People who are gone from our lives; friendships lost. Jobs/careers that are gone. Money that is gone. Material blessings that are gone. Environments now very different. Goals never realized. A life that is gone. And the deeper the loss, the harder the battle, I think.

I think this battle is inevitable. Especially for me here. I think it’s a combination of spiritual, and mental, and physical. Like all battles. Probably like the battles you are having, or just got out of, or are about to go into.

I hope I’m found being thankful. I hope I’m found saying, “the Lord gives and the Lord takes away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” But I admit not always.

But for now, it’s a battle. I’d be lying if I said differently. But I don’t want a “I’m sorry” or sympathy, or anything like that. I guess I just want you to see me as human; no more no less. I’m finding that’s exactly what missionaries are.

Can you guess what the battle is (battles are)? What is (was or will be) yours?

(Yes, I did first write this without blanks, but then realized how unimportant the actual words in the blanks are.)