Fill In the Blank

I can’t begin to describe the feeling of finally having a ______________. And it came with ____________________. Wow, what a blessing!!

For almost an entire day, I’ve not felt _________, or __________, or _______________. I’ve felt almost “normal”, for a day. But only for a day, I’m afraid. The battle is far from over.

I did not fully realize how I was/am someone who’s grown so accustom to ____________. And, how much my physical and mental energy seems to be based on this range of _____________. Within a certain range of “normalcy”, I seem to have more than a sufficient amount of mental and physical energy. But, after weeks and months and now almost a year of being outside of that range, I’m seeing the toll.

And want to hear something so incredibly expected but not? “I knew it was going to be hard, but I did not realize, until I got into this battle, how hard it was going to really be. If I had known ahead of time, I might have made a different choice. Feeling so much like a weakling. And I was even foolish enough to think that if I gave it up willingly, then it would not be a major battle.”

The volume of things I used to accomplish, I don’t. Energy I used to have, I don’t. Motivation I used to have, I don’t. The mental battles that rage. The knowledge of wanting to be thankful for what I do have; the tons of blessings I have. And yet the mental and physical pulling at the discomforts I’m in the middle of based on my prior abandoned life style. The life I willing/happily gave up (at the time). The desire for the discomfort of a lost life style not to win over.

So why the blanks in this blog? Because I think I’m human and certainly not alone. And all of us could say the same thing at one time or another in our lives. Perhaps not the exact same battle. But, when the things we’ve loved, valued, enjoyed, or just grown accustom to be are no longer there, a physical and mental battle ensues. Even if we choose to give them up. People who are gone from our lives; friendships lost. Jobs/careers that are gone. Money that is gone. Material blessings that are gone. Environments now very different. Goals never realized. A life that is gone. And the deeper the loss, the harder the battle, I think.

I think this battle is inevitable. Especially for me here. I think it’s a combination of spiritual, and mental, and physical. Like all battles. Probably like the battles you are having, or just got out of, or are about to go into.

I hope I’m found being thankful. I hope I’m found saying, “the Lord gives and the Lord takes away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” But I admit not always.

But for now, it’s a battle. I’d be lying if I said differently. But I don’t want a “I’m sorry” or sympathy, or anything like that. I guess I just want you to see me as human; no more no less. I’m finding that’s exactly what missionaries are.

Can you guess what the battle is (battles are)? What is (was or will be) yours?

(Yes, I did first write this without blanks, but then realized how unimportant the actual words in the blanks are.)

Building a Foundation

We’re in the middle of building this ever so fragile federation of young men who hope to become, one day, a real music group. My days are mostly filled with things surrounding this group and the “groupies” that have now surrounded them. No small group now. Most Friday nights we have between 20 and 30 people.

It’s not really my hope that they become a great musical group; that’s their hope. My hope is that we’re building a team of young Christians that will hopefully understand ministry and be able to minister at a level that can truly make a difference to those who are seeking, searching. People not so different from myself. But I don't want their ministry to be what you would normally associate with American churches. I'm continue to think we've really missed the boat. I believed it before I got to the DR; I believe it more now that I'm here.

In some ways they already are a music group; in some ways they may never be. They do get together and play music and sing, (every day last week at my house!) but what you might call singing is not quite what most of them do. It seems several are fairly unaware of the notes they can sing, and notes they can’t. It’s really funny at times. I’ll turn to the summer intern, Jacob, and we’ll ask one another, “do they NOT hear that.”. They can be as flat as a pancake, but they belt it out there like it’s pure and smooth. In some ways, it is pure and smooth; because it comes from their hearts. I believe they love the Lord and I believe they have great great hopes.

It’s hard to know how to deal with a group of young people whom you are growing close to, knowing that the hopes they have may never materialize. And, that’s true for so many in third world countries. No, these people are definitely not starving. They generally have food to eat but their lives are nothing like ours. No where near the choices and options we have. Rarely can they choose what school to go to; they can’t choose to travel; can’t choose to move to another town; can’t choose one job over another; can’t choose which of several career paths to take; can’t choose what hobbies to have. Can’t choose what to eat based on cabinets full of food. Can’t choose what clothes to wear based on closets full of clothes. Rarely do they get to choose, because rarely do they have a choice. The one job they may have, is the only job; the meager food they have is the only food; the clothes they have are…. Well, you get the picture.

So, I struggle with the clash between my world and theirs. Is mine better? Is theirs better? Should I hope they change to have more of my world? Should they hope that I change to have more of their world? This I do not know.

I do know that the things that exist in our worlds are the things that consume 80 or 90 percent of our energy. Like our jobs; our schooling, our hobbies, our dreams.

So, as much as they hope, which is the name of the group, hope is really all most of them have. Most of them have had very bad educations, even if they did finish high school. Public schools here in the Dominican are incredibly bad. Most of them will only get a job based on tourism in one form or another. Most of them will probably never be able to afford to buy a car, let alone a house. So, I see these kids (young adults) with futures that are very very limited. And in some ways (the American ways), it breaks my heart to think that most will never have any of the opportunities that I had, or you had (have). In some ways, I look at them and think that if they did have our opportunities, they’d probably make the same bad choices we (I) do. So, now that I have just a bit more of a glimpse into their lives, what truly do I offer them? What should I offer them?

I’ve been in most of their homes. Homes that are mostly shacks. Built very close to one another. Mostly houses that I can only best describe as homes you might have seen in the deep rural south back when all the jobs were agriculture and share cropping. I don’t know what the depression was like in the US, but I have a pretty good idea when walking through their neighborhoods.

The best picture I get of that life style is from my mom. She grew up very poor. But I rarely hear her speak of things she didn’t have. Most of the time, it was the stories of her family, her father in particular, that loved and made a home for her six sibling and her mom. A house full of love springing from her father. I’m sure it wasn’t easy being poor (realitive to American standards) but I’m also now more sure that poor is not a curse. Any more than being rich is a blessing. How you live, rich or poor, is the blessing.

So I’m getting closer to the heart of these guys, and it some ways it gets harder and harder. I can’t begin to know how to help; how to encourage; how to minister. I can’t take one step in their shoes.

Meet Willie. Willie really started the group. And takes his music seriously. Willie is 21. Willie saved probably at least 3 months of salary to buy a guitar and an electronic piano. The first instruments for the group. But, Willie also now has a very low paying job; only works about 3 hours a day selling trinkets to tourist in the countryside. And, dreams of a real music group. And Willie is a hugger. He hugs everyone; all the time. He’ll probably hug you if you come to visit. I’m especially fond of Willie.

Meet Esaul. Esaul is trying to finish high school by going to school at night. During the day, he works with his dad making iron fencing for windows, doors, gates, etc. Esaul plays the guitar; and plays it all the time. But, Esaul likely will work for his father for years to come. And will likely live with his parents for years to come, in a half finished home with interior walls made of cardboard. I’m especially fond of Esaul.

Meet Joelfry. Joelfry has a really sad but typical family story. Joelfry is about 18. Has rarely lived with either of his parents. Gets passed between relatives to live. Joelfry is the lead singer for now. He’s funny; loves to joke; loves to laugh. I don’t have a clue what will happen to Joelfry. He finished high school this year, with nowhere to go. No job; no money for more schooling. But I’m especially fond of Joelfry.

Meet Samuel. Samuel is the drummer. We just got the drums. It was like a dream come true for him. He’s always dreamed of playing the drums. We were afraid he couldn’t. Well, he can. Not sure where he learned, but he’s pretty good for not having access to a set of drums. And, when asked recently of a time he had a real connection with God, he got emotional and said it was when he was able to play the drums we had bought. I’m especially fond of Samuel.

It’s a real fragile group for many reasons. Maybe reasons I’ll go into later. But, for now, they guys are working hard to honor God with their music and their ministry. And, those that hear them are being blessed.

I hope this group can make it through the tough times ahead, and they will continue to have a reason to hope. I also hope that God shows me how to be a blessing in their lives and how I can share all that I’ve been blessed with, with them.

(For those of you who have read “The Shack”, you know why I’m especially fond of these guys; for those of you who haven’t read it; I recommend it. Thanks Rayburn.)

The Work Has Begun, I Think

I think the real work has finally begun. I think that because it really doesn’t feel like work at all. More like what I think God had intended all along. For months I’ve labored endlessly and with much effort to create something that was not to be. And, just when I had decided that all that was planned to be, was not, God starts something. And, the work has begun.

The work is a group of Dominican young men and women (mostly late teens and early twenties; a.k.a. jovenes), and true to form, these young folks don’t really care about my past, or my abilities (including lack of good Spanish language skills). What they really want, and it’s been the repeat story of all the young people I’ve worked with, is someone that can accept them for who they are, care about them, and give them a place in this world to be themselves.

So, that’s what’s happening. And, even with some caution of how quickly things can change here in the DR, I am confident that we have gained a foothold on the work here in Rio San Juan.

Just this past Sunday we had our first band concert. This concert was 45 minutes (by car) out from the village of Rio San Juan, and I’m honored and proud to say that we had about 100 people (mostly young kids and young adults) to come and hear the band play and sing. An excellent crowd for a tiny tiny spot of a placed called Bobita.

This blog will be like all the rest, way too long and way too detailed, but for the faithful few readers, it gives you an idea of what’s happening. First, as the “manager” of the band, my hope and wish, and instructions, is for them to practice, practice, practice. And then for them to use their music to touch people’s lives. Did they, while I was gone to the US?… Beyond my wildest hopes. They have demonstrated a dedication and seriousness to their efforts; the likes of which I don’t see a lot of either here or in the US from young people.

Now, I have to be honest to say that this is a very young band, and frankly some of the talent is not professional by any stretch of the imagination, but they sing with the hearts, and laugh, and have a great time. For what they don’t have in talent, they make up in just enjoying being with each other.

One of the things that I gave up when I sold my big home in Florida was my ability to host people in my home. And, it’s the only only only thing I might miss about my home in Florida. Well, I now have a simple small apartment in the DR, by any US standards, but it has become a new place for me to allow these kids to hang out. A new place to host. And, that’s what we’re doing. Hanging out, just hanging out. But having a great time together. (By the way, my apartment, by Rio San Juan native standards, is luxurious.)

I offered to take them (the group) all to a restaurant after the concert; even offered to pay for the meal. What did they prefer?… to go to my house and cook pancakes and fried salami and just entertain one another with jokes and stories. So, that’s what we did after the concert; we called it the “after party”. It was (if I can be really corny for a moment) a pure honor to have these kids (I call them that, even though kids is not quite what they are) in my home, literally rolling in the floor laughing so hard. This went on for several hours. And for hours I just sat there, and mostly listening to their jokes and their laughter, and watched them make home movies they made with my digital camera, and soaked up every moment.

And, as much as I hated to dismiss the crowd, I feared we’d be up all night unless I closed the party down. So, I did, after 4 hours.

Now, a day later, I look back and wonder how many purely incredible days I will have in the Dominican. Perhaps not many, but yesterday was one. It was work, and it was a lot of preparation. From logistics of transportation, creating our own electric energy, toting sound equipment and instruments, and a car pack with 8 people down a long road, that’s hardly worthy to be called a road; not to mention the heat. But, the destination was well worth it. It was one amazing event and after party. Thank you Lord.

Yep, the work has begun. And, attached are some pictures of the group. The group asked me to give the group a name, so I did, which is Esperanza, which means “Hope”. “Mientras hay vida hay esperanza” (translation; "Where there is life, there is hope".)

One Last Post Before I Go to the USA

Just wanted to share one more picture. Because it kinda represents some things we are hoping will happen here. I'm finding, for a lot of reasons, I probably won't be able to have the deep relationships I've had in the US. Culture; language; money... many many reasons. But, what I can do is possibly facilitate others in developing those relationships. Specifically the guys that are meeting in my house hopefully will be willing to be mentored and guided in how to do help the teenagers. Not that I know how, but I'm trying to learn. So, if we do it together, perhaps they will be able to reach those I can not. And, I'm watching one of these guys, William, rapping at my house with some Christian songs (raps... whatever they call them), and these three kids (teenagers) immediately tune in to him and his music. And, then join in. So, this is a snapshot of where we hope we're headed. Maybe a long shot and along road, but it's hope.

Also, we just got an invitation to start helping at the local school. I wanted to take pictures. You could NOT believe the conditions of this school. But, we've been asked to help... so I hope it opens more doors on how to serve.

A few things that are fresh and good and hopeful, as I leave for the USA.

New Beginnings

Celebrated Osvaldo's birthday with a "cake".

Not sure where this group is headed; maybe; maybe not, but it's started none the less. Here are shots of one of their first meetings at my house.

More Important than Property

I decided that I can’t sit around waiting to start building a resource center, so I started inviting some folks over to my house. Targeting young adults. Figuring they were not too broken to refuse to be molded into giving, caring adults. And, so far, my ‘figuring’ has been correct.

I met these guys through my assistance/helper/friend Osvaldo. And, they have been a blessing. They seem anxious to help. They just need a shot; and need to be tapped on the shoulder and say “hey, I need your help; here’s how I need your help”. Which, by the way, is a summary of my philosophy on getting people to help. People are wanting to, it’s just a matter of time and training and encouraging.

So, I’m hosting a gathering every week for them to play their music (which is the forum for them to express themselves) and dream dreams of changing their world. Willie, William, Saul, Joelfry, Samuel, Osvaldo, and Jeffrey are the original crew, but each time we meet, the crew gets bigger.

So, we’ll see what God has in mind. Last night we were hanging out on my back porch, them laughing and telling jokes in Spanish. Me pretending to understand, but the thing that was clear was that they were having a good time. We had invited some younger kids to hang out with them, and I think it did them all some good to be around one another. I’m hoping they’ll take the ball and run with more ministry to one another. I am convinced I may never know Spanish well enough to be in the middle of their jokes, but just to recline on a chair and watch them try to top one another with comedy was pretty funny, even if I didn’t understand Spanish. The next step will be toward service. Learning how to serve and who to serve. A challenge for all of us. But, if you knew the kids of this town and how broken they are at so many levels, you’d understand the need for a team of locals to hopefully step up and serve. I’m hoping and praying this group is part of that beginning. We’ll see. (see the photos posted of one of their jam sessions)

Catching up on Updates

First, the property. I know it gets redundant but we still have no resolution. We have found new property we’re interested in, but the cost is like 3 times what the original property was. It is in a much much better location as far as value is concerned, but raising the original cost was going to be a challenge, this changes the whole dynamic again, and sets a new bar for financing. Not to mention, we still don’t have the paper work on this property as well; not a final price; attorney’s again trying to scam us. I don’t want to be jaded by this type of thing, but it’s so incredibly challenging to want to do good; to want to see the betterment of a community (at many levels), but feeling like the community itself (at least those in power) having no interest. The common folks are all behind and support us as best they can, but they don’t hold the purse strings in the town, so are really powerless to fight the culture of indifference toward the poor.

We approached some of the more influential town folks and their response was basically that they were glad of what we were doing, but offered no substantive help. There’s a reason these places are considered 3rd world and I think a lot of it is because those in power want to remain in power and pass the power to their family exclusively. Forget the stranger.

But, we’re not about to give it. It’s just the battle. And it’s worth it. And I’m honored to fight and be called to fight for those who can’t otherwise have a voice. And, I’m honored to be fighting among some incredible team members. Some whom have seen more battles and tougher battles that I’ll ever see. (that’s the Wallace's and Roberta Edwards to name a few.) So, hats off to them. I appreciated them from a distance, but to see a small portion of their world, even more respect and honor for their amazing commitments.