The Wall

I think I’m hitting a wall.

Not a wall of homesick (although that may come). But the struggle to know when to move forward and when to change courses. With a couple of things.

Language courses for one. The course I’m taking is divided into two sections. Vocabulary and grammatics. Vocabulary has been a struggle, but it’s doable. Grammatics is becoming very undoable. But, I don’t know if that’s me just wanting to give up when it gets hard (never did like grammar lessons), or if it’s really something that’s not where I need to be right now. For anyone that’s had Spanish you can appreciate the complexity of grammatics and how very different it is than English. Grammatics is not exactly the problem. The problem is that we’re covering grammatical rules at such a fast pace that it’s extremely difficult to absorb. We graze the surface of one topic, and on to the next the next day. And, I’m studying about as much as I think I should be. Anymore, and this time becomes all about Spanish, and I close out the family I live with and the friends I’ve made. I wonder what Jesus would do?

I don’t want to give up. But, I also don’t want to waste my time. I have every intention of studying/learning Spanish. I just want to be studying the optimal lessons of Spanish. But what is that?

I also don’t doubt that I’m supposed to be in Santiago. I certainly don’t regret coming here. It’s been incredible, and still is an amazing experience.

I’ve spoken to a few people here in Santiago who have learned Spanish or know Spanish and they’re telling me that the grammatics I’m taking (based on what they read in my lesson books) is NOT what I should be studying. Not exactly sure what that means in terms of changes I should make! I understand what they’re saying, but if that’s true, what does that mean in terms of this course. Do I skip the grammatics and focus on vocabulary? Do I find another school? Supposedly the one I’m at is the best in Santiago.

In my study (on line) of learning conversational languages, it seems that the best language courses focus on basic everyday words, basic sentence structure, and then grow with more complex grammatics as the language is mastered. That’s not what’s happening here.

In a word, I decided to called TJ, who’s a missionary in Rio San Juan and took Spanish in Guatamala. I think he’s talked me off the ledge, for now. Thank you TJ. I'll stay the course for another week.

I know the starting point (and ending point) is prayer.

And, some minor problems with the family. Turns out that Paul (12 years old) is not anything like Marsil. Not responsible. Lazy in fact. Quite lazy. Only wants to play. And everyone, including his family, says “that’s just Paul.” I understand that to some degree. But then Paul requires (or tries to demand) so much of my time and energy. He wants to be entertained and wants to play all the time. I’ve set a record for number of times I’ve played Monopoly in one week. Which at some levels is great. I've loved playing with him, but then I had some expectations in terms of him helping around the house.

But now I’m less motivated to give my time or anything else to him with an ungrateful heart and someone who’s very resistant when ask to do small things around the house (keep in mind there’s a full time housekeeper, so we’re not talking HUGE chores here). So I set boundaries. And those boundaries send him ballistic. And like any child, turns on me as though I’m the enemy. Surprise! I understand he’s a child. And I don’t give in! But I wonder if he understands that I don’t know anything about this fathering stuff and I’d really prefer to avoid it if possible. But it seems that I can’t. God has chosen a different path. So, here we go. To the battle. The battle to honor the Lord in our lives (mine and his) and the battle for Paul to grow to love the Lord in his young life.